Secrets in the night
by strawberrycheese1990
Summary: It's a sleepless night for one in Sherwood forest, but what exactly is haunting the hero of the story.


**Disclaimer: I do not own robin hood or Wilfred Owens; Dulce decorum est.**

It was hot, unbelievably so and yet here we are in the scorching desert all dressed in our chain mail and tunics. There was a sombre air as if they knew the outcome and more unfortunately resigned to it. A phrase was running through our minds 'dulce decorum est pro patria mori' ours is not to reason why ours is but to do and die.

Suddenly it changes we are in the village but there is not Much time to admire the scenery before the Saracen's attack and really who can blame them, that's what they were here for. I mean they are only trying to defend what was rightfully theirs, but not the pope says that they were wrong and so here we are fighting a so-called 'holy war.' Well its war that's for sure but they holy part well that's still up for debate.

It changes again, there was me and a couple others stood around in the village square. The sand beneath our feet has changed from its golden yellow and is now Scarlett. Saturated with blood of our friends, comrades and our enemies.

I looked around all around was my fallen comrades, their faces each registering a look of shock r pain, their skin pale their eyes dead. I saw Tom, who was meant to be going back home in a couple of days to see his new born babe. Luke, John, John, Edward, and Aaron their faces swarming in my mind each crying for help that I couldn't give them. No-one could. The faces changed, they were no longer my comrades but my friends the gang. Will, Djaq, Allen, Little John, Much and Marian.

'NOOOO!.' Robin shot up, wide awake, heart beating erratically, sweat forming on his brow. Panting to try and control his breathing, all the while checking that he hadn't woken any of the others. That would not do, he was meant to be the leader the strong one, and it would not do for them to see him like this.

Sighing he got off his bunk, carefully not to wake the others especially Marian how was in the bunk next to his. He would not sleep again tonight and to be honest he didn't want to, not if that was he was going to be greeted with when his eyes closed, the colour replay of some of the worst memories he could do without.

Looking at the sky he determined it was about 4 o'clock. 'I'll go and relieve Djaq from the watch and let her sleep. There's no point with us both being up.'

Seating himself at the top of the hill, by the stone that Djaq had just vacated, he looked around at his surroundings. It wasn't Locksley Manor that's for sure, but then it wasn't the desert in Acre, so not everything was bad.

His attention was soon drawn to the camp and its sleeping occupants. Little John at the back, Much next to the kitchen, Marian next to the door and lastly Will and Djaq sharing a bunk on the other side of the door.

'Wait what, Will and Djaq sharing a bunk.' He did a double take, 'Yep, definitely sharing a bed, I wonder how long that's been going on. Well they look happy.' And they did, Djaq had snuggled up as close to Will as possible, her head using his chest as a pillow. He had wrapped his arm around her protectively and holding her even closer. _Remind me to wake them early in the morning there'll never live it down if the others find out. Allen especially, oh right Allen's not here. His Gisborne's man now. Was life really that bad for him, did he really feel that being Gisbourn's man was a better option._

By this time the sun had started to rise to signal the dawn of a new day. That however did nothing to brighten Robin's sprit or his wayward thought's.

_Much Will be up soon, I know I'll go and get some water for him. He's always complaining that we don't help him with the cooking._

By the time Robin had returned from the stream with 2 buckets of water Much was already up and quietly tending to the fire. As he saw Robin approach he sighed. His master being up and collecting water before breakfast could only mean one thing. He had yet another bad night. Without a word Much handed Robin a makeshift chopping board and a knife before turning to heat the water.

That pair worked in silence, Robin steadily making his way through his task, concentrating on it as if it was the most important thing in the world. And Much well he was trying to broach the subject. After a few minutes he began;

'There're getting worse aren't they?'

'Yes.' He paused. Much was sure that that was all he was going to get. However he was greatly surprised.

'when we were only fighting Gisbourne and the sheriff they were ok, manageable. Once every couple of weeks something twigged a memory, but now nearly everything we do is related to the King, Acre, The Black Knights or the plot to take over England. It seems like everything bring up memories that I just want to forget.'

'Do you regret going?'

'Yes and No. I regret the killing. I, we, all killed too Much and some may say that it was the nature of war unavoidable. But it wasn't just soldiers I killed, it was innocents, they had nothing to do with the fighting they were just trying to live their lives. So what if they believe in a different God. Look at Djaq, she's not evil or the spawn of the devil any if the other things the pope decreed the Saracen's to be. I read the Qur'an, you know I did and there's nothing evil in it, it's just a different point of view.

Marian was right, I would have regretted not going, and yes if I didn't go then the chances are I'd still be in Locksley happily married, maybe a couple of kids. But then I look around and realise that If I didn't go then I would be who I am know. I wouldn't have met the people I did: Little John, Allen, Roy or Djaq. I wouldn't know Will as well as I do now. We wouldn't have helped those that we have.'

'There's something else isn't there master?'

'I..I don't know if I want it to end. Well I mean of course I want the King to come back and the sheriff overthrown, but I don't know what Will happen afterwards and to be honest with you Much, I'm scared. Yes I know what you'll say, that I'll go to Locksley and you to your Bonchurch. But what about the others, Djaq, Will, Little John. They have no-where to go, their families are gone. And as Much as it pains me to say it Allen was right, I can see why he went to Gisbourne, at least that way he has some hope of a future. Hell I don't even know if I want to go back t Locksley.'

'You can't be serious master, it's your home.'

'No Sherwood is my home. Locksley hasn't been my home for 7 years. And after living outside all this time, I hate being indoors. It's too claustrophobic.'

There was a long pregnant pause. Much was trying to absorb all the new information while Robin was silently cursing himself for revealing so Much information, although they both know that this Will never be mentioned again.

All throughout the conversation Robins attention never once left the chopping board, concentrating on the small menial things so that he doesn't had to ponder on the more distressing things. One time in the Holy Land Much woke in the middle of the night to find his master polishing the shoes and chain mail of every man in the tent. It was just what he did.

Eventually Much broke the silence once again. 'What are the nightmares about?'

Robin tensed, but answered anyway. His faithful friend deserved that Much.

'They change, they normally about specific attacks or villages, tonight it was_. I just see all the faces of those who died, all blank and pale faces, their eyes black and soulless, and then their faces change. And it's the gang, all of you calling out begging for help.'

'I...I don't remember _.'

'You won't you weren't there, at the time you were riding to a camp in the East to deliver a message.'

'That's what I never understood. We were in the king's private guard and yet I didn't see that Much fighting.'

'That's because, well on certain missions I advised the King that it would be best it if you were used to deliver a message or do a certain tasks, just as long as you were away.'

'What.. why. You know I can fight, or was that it didn't you not think I was as capable as the others. Was that it?'

'No Much of course not. Ok how can I explain this. Do you remember when you got sick for a about a month or so. It wasn't anything serious but you had to stay behind and catch up yeah.'

'yeah.'

'well why you were recovering, the King decided to launch an attack on one of the local market towns. If we captured it, it would have been a great success. Do you remember.'

'yes.'

'k then do you remember how many of us rode out that day?'

'About 150 or so.'

'right and do you remember how many of us came back. No. 7, only 7 of us made it out of 150. It was a suicide mission, they all were. Now I wasn't going to let you fight on such a mission. You never wanted to go to the Holy Land, you only joined the crusades because of me. You may have been in the war because of me, but there was no way I was gonna let you die because of me. So yes, I lied to you and even to the king on some accounts but as long as you survived it didn't matter. Of course there were some times when I failed to excuse you, namely the Saracen attack on the camp. But I tried. And it worked you got back home safely.'

Again silence

'Why are you telling me this now?'

'I don't know, Much, I really don't know why I'm telling you this and didn't just stop as yes. '

'ok well I have an idea. You and me today we'll go to one of the villages do the drop off and just try to forget, just for a few hours. We can talk to the villagers, play with the children. I'm sure they want to hear stories of the adventures of the famous Robin Hood and his gang. What do you say.'

At this Robin just smiled and mouthed 'thank you.'

'No need, now you go and wake Djaq. I usually get them up a few minutes earlier so they can sort themselves out without the others knowing.'

Robin just smiled and walked towards the sleeping couple. 'We really do underestimate you don't we Much.'

It wasn't long before the camp was awake and breakfasted, and now it was time to get down to the business of the day.

'Ok, Much and I are doing the drop at Nettleston. Marian, john can you go to Clun, also why your there can you check in on Kate Sommer and see how she'd doing without her husband. I know she refused our help but still. Djaq you and Will go to Nottingham, we need some more food for Locksley tomorrow, and if you can check in on Mrs Smith, and see how her burn is healing. Is that alright with everyone? Okay then. No need to rush, and we'll see you later.'


End file.
